Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Arm wrestling myself: the long-term wounds and incredible rewards of self-doubt

Finished a painting today. The strokes just 'worked', and it just came together.. but that's not always the case.

When a painting 'works', you take a step back and try to figure out why, so you can apply whatever the 'magic formula' is next time. When it doesn't work, it makes it all the harder to start the next one. --in fact, it becomes tedious work.

You toggle back and forth wondering whether you had too much self confidence at the start and took the process for granted. Then, I like to blame things that really don't have any affect on the end result-- like whatever crap music Ralph's playing. Because, you know, crap music can ruin a painting.

So, following this line of thought, the formula's the answer. John Lennon had the formula. Babe Ruth had the formula. I just need to get the formula.

But that's not it either. IF there was a formula, it would compromise the discovery and growth, and the whole process would become mundane. That's when a creative process becomes a factory product.

It's a juggling act. If it was all struggle, I'd give up and go get an office job. If it was all ease, well, then I'd get bored and go get an office job.

4 comments:

Ralph Verano said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ryan Hauser said...

Don't give up and get an office job! ;) You are doing awesome and seem to have figured out your own "formula." I just saw your work on a Golf Channel commercial...that is pretty impressive. Keep up the great work!

Haloe said...

Maybe an office job would help you rediscover and reconnect with the passion of creativity. I would however guess that it's simply the 'holiday painting on demand' that mocks your creative process and connection to the brush, and once the holidays pass - all will be as it should be. But if you'd like - you can spend a Weds. with me doing payrolls.

Richard Hudnall said...

Crap music Ralph was playing LOL

-Richard Hudnall